This Day: Part Two

This Day…

We visited the doctor for a check-up and he couldn’t find a heartbeat.

We then had an ultrasound.  We waited as the ultrasound tech searched for a heartbeat. The baby was curled in a little ball, so it was difficult to get a good picture. She found the spot where the heart was and then turned on the volume…

Only the hollow sound of the ultrasound machine could be heard.

It is a sad sound.

BUT this is what God ordained and He knows best. We trust and accept God’s plans and will.

Our sweet ultrasound tech worked very hard to get good pictures for us, noting her fingers and toes and arm and leg.  I feel very blessed to have these. God is good.

Our next step was to choose between inducing labor and delivering or having a D & E ( won’t explain this procedure; if you’re interested, you can Google it.)  My ob advised a D & E because of my previous c-section scar and he wants to protect my uterus.  I was hesitant because I’ve had this procedure before and parts of it are very painful (physically).

But, the alternative–inducing–could take as long as 72 hours, meaning I would be hospitalized for that long. This is not something I want to do.

So…We traveled over to the Perinatal Clinic to see our good friends there and so I could have laminaries inserted into my cervix to help it dilate. This is the painful part of the procedure (the insertion of the seaweed sticks, as I like to call them and then the dilating of my cervix. I do have pain medicine, but it only dulls it.

Tomorrow…We will travel to Central Baptist for the D & E.  The estimate that Ella Grace’s heart stopped close to three weeks ago. She left me then; only her body remains. Tomorrow that will leave me also.

Today…We mourn. Our daughter has returned to her Creator. What an awesome place to be?!

Just as we asked you to walk with us through the first part of our journey, we ask that you walk with us through our mourning.

What now?  Just love us.  Understand that we know God is great, faithful, and merciful.

BUT God does not always spare us from pain.

This day we hurt, but we don’t hurt without a hope.

We love you all and are so, so thankful for each of you.

In His Grip,

Jennifer